"I live everyday like it's my last." BULLSHIT, I say!

I call Bullshit, hardly anyone does.

This was brought up in my World Literature 1600+ class on monday and I got to thinking about it, it's so true how not true that statement is. If I had a penny for every person I heard say or agree with someone else who said that they live everyday like it's their last I'd be fuckin' rich! But I don't and all I do have is my blog to think about it on. :) So here I go!

Here are very few, but HUGE, signs that indicate you do not live every day like it's your last:

1.) You wake up in the same house every morning.
---> I believe that, if you did live everyday like it's your last, you would not settle for waking up in the exact same situation as the day before. Not only because I would expect you to travel, explore, and see the world, but also because hardly anyone is ever satisfied with what they have in the Now. Therefore if you lived everyday like it was your last, you would not settle for a home you don't like. You would either spend your time not there or there making it a place that you love.

2-A.) After waking up in the same house everyday, you still go to the same job and guess what? Tomorrow you'll go there again, at 8:00 am.
--->I also believe that you would not settle for working on your last day alive.

2-B.) OR: After waking up in the same house everyday, you still go to your regularly scheduled classes and will continue to do so until the semester ends and then do it all over again next semester until you graduate.
--->See 2-A, it will apply greatly.

3.) You keep telling yourself that if you do the above 3, that a few tomorrow's down the road, you can then live everyday like it's your last.
--->Now you're just missing the point of the saying. If you keep using today to make tomorrow great, you're contradicting the statement. All you know that you have, for certain, is today, and you don't even know if you have that. You don't actually know if you have tomorrow. We as humans get so conditioned to our lifestyles and the repetition of it that we take for granted the best thing we have each day, the ability to wake up and get out of bed. And what a slap in the face to Life it's self that all we do is go to work or school, come home, watch TV, rinse, lather, and repeat. We are assholes, do you not see this?

4.) You have a bucket list... that you keep adding to.
--->Either or both of those apply very well. If you have a list of things you haven't done yet that you'd like to do, you definitaely are not living each day like it's your last because you're constantly thinking about the future, not the Now. If you were to die when you go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow, if this was your last day, you would not only leave behind a shit-ton of pointless possessions, but more importantly a list of what you never did in life that you wanted to do. Why? See indicators 1-3. Either drop the bucket list and never think about it again, or another idea is, accomplish that bucket list. Starting, Now.

5.) The biggest reason of all, you're ungrateful, hateful, rude, ignorant, selfish, or an active participant in this paradoxical world.
---> If you can't see where I'm about to go with this then don't bother reading. On the other hand if you can see where I'm about to go with this you shouldn't have to read on, should you? I'll go there anyways. Let's combine indicator #3 with the phrase it's self. You take for granted each day that you have, in belief that you will get, tomorrow. You are rude today because you think that you can make up for it, tomorrow. You are ignorant to everyone else's views because you believe yours will flourish to the world, tomorrow. You are selfish about being able to breathe, move, stretch, walk around, having the physical ability, to live everyday like it's your last and you don't. You save it, for what? There are people out there who do not have the physical capability to live everyday like it's their last and wish so bad that they could. Instead, they are grateful for being able to breathe and live and they are completely happy and satisfied with that. If you know someone who has a life threatening disease, illness, or who is handicap, you know that they are some of the most nice and grateful people on earth. Why? Because they have seen and experienced terror and have been given the chance to not live that way, so they don't. The great majority of us have great capability to do anything we want and the simple fact is we don't.


Animals are great examples of how we should be. Even domesticated ones. Animals do whatever they want, even the trained ones. I'm sure you've experienced walking your dog and out of no where they dart after a squirrel, cat, or bird, even though you've trained them not to go after other animals. It's their instinct. It's fun for them and they just can't resist. They do it anyways. Maybe not all the time because they have learned that you don't like it, but they slip up simply because it's what they want to do. We should, instead of getting mad at them, feel inspired by them and be jealous. Be very jealous of them because they are true examples of free souls. They have no conscious mind to talk them out of things or to be "logical". Instead they have instincts, and with instincts you are much more wise.


Now let's get real about the issue at hand:

1.) Money
---> Okay so to be real about it and defend everyone who the above indicators apply to, which is most everyone, it cost money to live everyday like it's your last. That's why you're working your 9-5 everyday, to hopefully be saving up money to eventually start living everyday like it's your last. This one kind of defends all of the above, it's what we rely on, it's what we feel like we need to survive.
---> But what about before we had these ideas about "the way [right and wrong] things should be done" and physical things we have labeled "necessities" in life? For example, what would the world be like if we never created a concept, idea, and physical form of money? Then we wouldn't have rent or a mortgage to pay or be contracted to. Then we could just pick up and leave whenever we wanted or needed to. I want that kind of freedom, myself. This idea of money is so fake to me and it personally makes me mad that everything now depends on money. And that so many people believe in it. Who would have thought that millions and billions of people would end up believing in electronic numbers as their representation for their money, something deemed as most valuable in today's world? But the truth is, in todays world you have to believe in money and you have to use it in order to be considered anyone. In order to be accepted as a human Being. My next question about this is, does the reason everything cost so much make it more valuable, not in money, but in experience? What I mean by that is, if money wasn't an issue and we were really free to do whatever we want, would we then take being able to do whatever we want for granted and still not live everyday like it's our last? By this I mean, if it didn't cost to get on a plane and fly somewhere, then it obviously wouldn't mattered if you showed up to work everyday because you possibly might not be getting paid to be there, if nothing else cost. Why would we need money to pay employees? What would money be used for if you earned it and couldn't use it on anything because nothing cost anything? I believe that even if money wasn't an issue, we would still be in this same rut because of the mind-frame that we have developed being so dependent on tomorrow, something that doesn't even exist yet.

2.)Not thinking for ourselves.
---> We have allowed ourselves to fall victim, century after century, to this horrible idea that we need to live this way in order for the world to work. And by 'this way' I mean, grow up going to school, some continue onto college & get a degree, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, believe in a certain religion and political system, rinse, lather, and repeat. Who the fuck allowed this bullshit to happen????? How could soo many people fall victim to that idea, believe it, and apply it for ages? Why is this supposedly the only "successful" way to live? Of course it's not literally, people do actually live outside of this pattern a lot, but the majority of us don't and truly believe that we cannot live outside of this cycle. Now, let me clarify a little. I am continuing on that same path by being in college. I LOVE being in school, I really wouldn't change much about that in my life. I truly do love being a student, I love learning. I want to learn as much as I can. But what I would change about it, is being able to learn wherever and whenever I wanted. Meaning, Universal learning. If I want to study the French lifestyle, history, traditions, and ways, I should be able to go to France, live there, and do that. But I should not be expected to stop learning, end school and have to give it up to be an "adult" (Such a silly word to me, adult. That's another topic for another time.) I should have the ability to learn in any fashion that I want to, not just in an Academic Institution, where I pay a shit-ton of money for a half assed education because of all the bullshit pre-requisits that I have to have to learn before what I really want to learn. And not to mention the countless shitty professors that there are because of people settling for jobs when they get out of college and not really doing what they love. I can guarantee you at least half of the professors at my school do not really give 2 shits about what they are teaching. They are there because teaching college makes more money than teaching elementary, middle, or high school. And that's sad.

Why do so many people accept the expected life schedule that was made a long ass time ago? Why has no one been pissed about this? I am pissed, believe me. How dare people expect me to live a life that someone else chose, or didn't, for themselves! Why can I not do what I really want to do? Because it's unheard of. I get shunned upon by my own family members if I do something or even talk about doing something out of the "norm." I hate that. Who are you to say what is normal and what is not? Who are you to say this is how life is supposed to be lived or it isn't? Not me, I am not one to say how you should live your life. Not at all. But I am one to say how I should live mine, because that is all I know. I do not know anything other than that and you can't get mad at me for that. I personally see a problem in how the rest of the world chooses to live and I am choosing to live differently. Just like you all have the ability to do. If you're constantly feeling like you're expected to do things because it satisfies everyone else, shame on you! Or more so, shame on society for putting that un-real pressure on you. But also shame on you for letting yourself feel like you have to fulfill the needs/wants/expectations of others. What real harm is it going to do if you don't do whatever expects you to do? If you really think about it, what a reward that would be. Not only do you throw everyone a curve ball, but you satisfied yourself and that's all that matters.

Life has never been hard or unfair....

That's right! I said it! And I truly believe it. Why? Simply because life isn't hard or unfair, it's the events in life, our choices in life, and the outcome of our choices that are hard and unfair. And the only one's responsible for all of that are ourselves. We make living life difficult for us, but by no means is life itself hard. It's a gift and what we choose to do with it is up to ourselves. Let me elaborate a little bit more on my thoughts and where the topic for this blog generated from.

First, what fueled me? Social networking sites and over all "drama queens/kings." To those "drama queens and kings": Where did you understand that a social networking site was meant for you to ramble on about everything horrible in your life and how selfish are you to think that that's all we want to hear about? Yes the obvious response for anyone else is simply deleting those people who are like that and trust me, that is what I have now done. In my defense, I had no information given to me when adding these certain people I am thinking of that stated that's all they talked about. I didn't like hearing all negative things in high school and I really don't like hearing about them now. I did not associate myself with people who were like that then and I will now disassociate myself from people who are like that on these social networking sites. To be more clear, I know that everyone has those facebook and myspace "friends"/friends that all they do is post things that threaten other people for useless drama, complain about other things that everyone else has to deal with in life, or talk about how horrible their lives are even though they clearly have the capability to log onto a computer that allows them to go onto the internet where they have a facebook/myspace account where they can post that. That already tells me they are way better off, at least financially and electronically, than a lot of other people. As far as events in life that happen, for example, over drafting your account and then not having enough money, loosing a job, getting bad grades, not getting the house/apartment you want, etc. are all results of other choices you've made, or the lack of choices in some cases. Whether it was making wrong choices or simply not allowing yourself to see other posibilities happening, it's still your fault. You are the creator of your happiness and pain. If you truly think about everything in your life, it was all a reaction to something else. Your neglect to see the good in your life will result of loosing a good job, friend, or anything good you have going for you. Your choice to excessively buy things you already have 3 or 4 of will result in an overdraft bank account. The participation in unneeded drama will result in loosing friends, making huge (unneeded) conflict with friends, and hurting friends who may not be directly involved in which will return in hurting yourself. I can go on, but I think (hope) you get the point. Take credit for your life for once and own up to the things you do, you'd be amazed at how you can control the outcome. Be grateful for what you already have instead of wishing for what you don't have. If you constantly live in a state of unhappiness you will in return create your own unhappiness. If you never see the good in life, there will never be any good in your life. It really is as simple as that. Have something to believe in, either it be a God of any religion, Karma, Trust, The Devine Flow of The Universe, or simply Yourself. Let me say that these things cannot bring you what you want, they can only guide you. No matter how much you pray to God, in the dogmatic sense, He will only guide you in spirit, but you have to physically participate either by physically making your dreams come true or by opening your mind to all the possibilities. No matter what you believe in, the base creator of your life is You and how you interpret things, how you address things, and how you are able to logically think about the outcome of everything you do and LEARN from it. Your intentions and expectations are a HUGE part of your life, whether you realize it or not. But if you accept a job with the intention of keeping it and expecting to keep it, don't get disappointed when you lose it because you didn't ever expect to, or know that that was a possibility. If you're ever disappointed about things in life, it's simply because you were naive in thinking that the outcome you wanted was the only one.

Second of all, yes everyone has the right to Freedom of Speech and that is exactly what the "What's on your mind?" box in these social networking sites are for. Why else would it ask it so specifically? But how is it really working out for you, being so negative all the time? To me it seems like it's only keeping things in your life negative. If I were to have hate on everything I've been through, alcoholism in my immediate family, divorce between my parents, rape over a handful of times, abuse through an intimate partner, drug addiction amongst myself and constant financial struggle, I would be absolutely no where in life. If I constantly dwelled on all those negative things, they would all just keep happening. Instead I know for a fact, because I have lived it an experienced it first hand, that there are way better things in life to be grateful for that, by a very large percentage, out way all of the negative in my life. Be grateful for what you have because it is all you have. Stop worrying about the past because you can change it and it no longer exists anyways. Stop being in such a rush to the future, you'll miss the Now. You cannot predict the future, no one really can, all you can do is know the possibilities and set your intentions for the best. Be grateful for other people you know who's lives are going well. Be grateful instead of hateful.

Now we shall celebrate in increments of 10, happy 60th post! :)

Here is a little picture update :) enjoy!



[i have my own darkroom <3]




[my puppies are perfectly cute.]














[david makes me perfect happy :)]








[dave matthews band saved my life]


[attempt #1]


[attempt #2]


[good job Gil, Dusty, and David!]

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Oh life, you have yet again confused me, hurt me, surprised me, and strengthened me. I'm not sure how you do this all the time, but you do and I simply have to learn how to deal with it. You and I WILL get along and it WILL be dope. :)

Let's see, what has been going on?

Well, I have been able to produce some of the best art I've ever made so far. I am working on getting it scanned in to post. But in short, it's simply beautiful and amazing. And best of all, I printed it in my OWN darkroom. :)

I have been physically ill and do not know what is wrong with me. I had an emergency room visit two weeks ago on the 15th for sever stomach pain. They drugged me up with morphine and sent me home with vicodin and anti-neausia medicines. What a help they did. But tomorrow I have a doctor's apt with my gasterologist to demand some test done. I don't kill myself in school full time for no reason, I'm going to take advantage of my mother so greatly allowing me to be on her health insurance. I will also be going to an internal medicine dr. to get a second opinion about all my symptoms. Simply though, I am in pain in my head, neck, shoulders, eyes, stomach, legs, everywhere pretty much. I need to get this solved because I cannot live happy and healthy this way. I will get this resolved and adapt gratefully to whatever changes I have to make in my lifestyle, with gratitude! :)

There are other things going on in my life but I am not quite sure what I think and feel about them. so, later? cool.

I cannot get enough of David right now. All I want is to cuddle with him and spend time with him. I want to get away to somewhere where we can relax and have some fun. I want to go to a beach and be lazy and drink long island ice teas all day long. Maybe go dancing later in the night and play some pool :) I would love the shit out of that. I think mainly I just really want a romantic vacation with lots and lots of passion :) yeah, that's right, passion! lots of it, too. ;)

School is going great besides just photography. I need to do a little better in my world litterature class, and I will. i have picked my classes for next semester already and I'm super excited. I will be taking:

Mondays:
2:00pm-4:50pm Advanced Digital Photography

Tuesday:
12:30pm-1:50pm Principles to Accounting
3:30pm-4:50pm Personality Psychology

Wednesday:
2:00pm-4:50pm Advanced Digital Photography
6:30pm-9:20pm US History from 1877 -present day

Thursday:
12:30pm-1:50pm Principles to Accounting
3:30pm-4:50pm Personality Psychology

Friday:
9:30am-1:30pm Drawing 1

yup, 15 hours. I added another minor to my degree. I am now working on my Bachelors in Fine Arts with Photography, a Minor in Psychology, and a Minor in Business Administration. :) I want my shit covered when I get out in the real world. If there is any real world. But my expected graduation time, May or December 2012. Yup.

I feel like something very exciting or very interesting is cooking in my life and I cannot wait to experience it. I have a feeling it will be the relief of christmas break. If we either go some place tropical or simply the feeling of no school for a couple of weeks. It will be bittersweet!